Cigarettes and Razorblades
by Aurora Enkeli Medeis
Summary: Shunned by his housemates and left sarcastic and bitter, with the war over and won what is Harry to do now he can live? Answer: turn to tobacco and self harm while developing a romance with a once hated enemy now friend and confident. (complete)
1. Lakeside

It was over. All over. They had won, and now it was done with. But what to do now? He could live but for 17 years his existence had led up to the moment the final blow was delivered, for better or worse. So what to do now that this seventh year meant freedom? First things first. Harry flipped open the lighter, warm light illuminating his gaunt features. He moved the flame to the cigarette tip, drawing a breath to light it. Inhaling, he let the arid relief flow over him before expelling the smoke slowly through chapped lips. The night air was warm, cooled only by the insignificant breeze coming from the lake that was lapping around his bare feet. Another inhalation and he could feel his muscles relaxing further. Harry lifted his left hand to scratch the back of his neck, the loose sleeve of his faded blue top fell to his elbow. By the light of the moon and the gentle glow from the castle behind him numerous lines, some older and fading to silver others new and red raw, conjoined into geometrical patterns on the skin covering his wrist and forearm, spanning from his elbow to the joint of his thumb. Footsteps crunched on the rocks behind him, without turning round Harry knew exactly who was upon him. It had been the same every night for five weeks, since the war had ended. He had sat down, got through one cigarette then the now too familiar pale, high cheek boned face would appear by his side.

The first encounters had been spent in companionable silence. Finally he was asked what he was doing then steadily the conversation had built, deeper, personal until Harry began to wonder if he knew everything about the once member of the wizarding aristocracy. There were few secrets Harry himself had and he felt it was perhaps time to reveal another. As the blond sat down next to him on the rock Harry made no attempt to hastily pull down the sleeve, subconsciously wishing the cuts to be noticed. Wish granted.

Silver eyes directed down, widening partially. Harry's lips curled into the tiniest of smiles around the end of his nearly defunct cigarette, something had finally dislodged the steely facade. One final inhale and the cigarette butt was flicked casually into the black water. A hand placed itself gently over a patch of fresh cuts. There came _that _tingle. Harry's eyes came to rest on the hand, following a path up a black clad arm, tracing the curve of a smooth neck finally connecting with _those _silver eyes that stared right back with a look that could have been interpreted as mild concern. Unblinking, Harry just continued to look back until the ice eventually cracked.

"Care to explain what the fuck this is about Potter?" It wasn't truly a question, it was an order, delivered with a biting undertone of frost inspite of the heated content.

"Well Draco..." Harry drawled, the war and all the deaths that came with it had left him sarcastic and bitter, almost beyond recognition. The subsequent weeks with the fullest conversation being with said Malfoy had rubbed many of the Slytherin's traits off on him.

"I'd like to tell you why I began, and continue to, slice my arm yet," he paused to place a fresh cigarette in his mouth "I have no idea." He clicked open the lighter for the second time, lighting the cigarette then removing it from between his lips. Smoke curled out into the night air as he continued

"So you can take your pick of reasons, it could be 'cause I'm depressed although I'm pretty sure that's not the case. It could be that I enjoyed the past 17 years worth of near death experiences and now cannot imagine a life without them thus put myself in them regularly. Perhaps I like the pain or maybe the sensation of the blood seeping between my calloused fingers." Harry took a long draw and closed his eyes as he leant back onto his elbows. His arm slipped from Draco's grasp. Sensation lost.

Draco's eyes narrowed as he looked down at the reclining body. Harry's eyes fluttered open, the green still astonishingly vivid inspite of the darkness. The pair locked eyes. Draco's spine shuddered with _that _sensation which he then preceded to push back into the recesses of his mind. Five weeks spent conversing with one person, and one person only, over the course of any given day can cause one to stifle childish nonsense. Draco and Harry were now more similar than either of them would care to admit.

With Narcissa's death and Lucius's suicide in Azkaban, both found themselves orphans as a result of the same cause. Draco had been discarded by his housemates for refusing to pick a side, more aptly Voldemorts side. He had stayed on the fence throughout the whole ordeal and by so doing was accused of betraying the honour of his family and house. Harry had been shunned by his housemates over his life attitude before, during and after the war and the deaths of Ron, Ginny and Neville, not to mention the insanity Hermione lapsed into at the hands of Voldemorts own cruciatus. How could he be expected to save everybody? With that question Harry inhaled again, closing his eyes against Draco's calculating gaze. He lay down fully, rocks pressing into his back. He felt the blond stir next to him as he stood up, dusting himself off. Particles of rock and moss hung in the air as Draco made his way back across the rocks.

"Watch yourself with those cuts Potter," he hesitated, mind conflicting as to whether the rest of the statement was a good idea, he sighed heavily in resolve "I've grown accustomed to your company, in fact I quite like having you around..."


	2. Scars

As was the usual custom, Harry took up position on the ledge like rock and removed his worn out trainers and knobbly socks. Swinging his legs down he embraced the cool of the water. He reached into the pocket of his oversized jeans, fingers clasping around crushed cardboard. Withdrawing his hand he brought the packet out and took the last cigarette between his lips as his other hand groped inside his other pocket until they connected with cool metal. He flicked the top of the lighter open, leaning his face to the flame to light the cigarette. Harry picked up the now empty packet and set it alight, placing it onto the dry rock to watch it burn.  
"Really Potter, how crude." Harry's cracked lips curled into a smile that he quickly wiped from his face as he removed the cigarette.  
"You're early."  
"Am I ? I wasn't aware that there was a set time arranged." The blonde stood regarding the flaming cardboard before nudging it into the lake with his foot. He took his place beside Harry carefully avoiding getting his feet wet. Harry had worn a t-shirt tonight. Not because it was particularly warm, he was in fact quite cold from the waters breeze, but on the off chance that Draco's attention would be once again directed to the cuts perhaps resulting in the most fleeting of touches or another vague comment. He stared out over the water, watching it rippling around the shore of a small islet in the centre. Harry then became dimly aware of a coolness caressing the scarred skin of his forearm, and there came _that _tingle. He kept facing forward but allowed his eyes to sneak a glance to the left, coming to rest on Draco's pale hands and seeing _those _silver eyes cast downwards as if reviewing the damage.

"The ones on your wrist," Draco began to say as Harry took a long draw of tobacco "they're older than the others." Exhaling, Harry nodded.  
"Just because I'm cutting myself doesn't mean I want to kill myself." He could feel Draco's eyes on him and he turned "besides," he added, a glint forming in his eyes as they locked with Draco's "I've grown accustomed to being around." Harry smirked ever so slightly at the blonde who glared challengingly back  
"If I didn't know any better _Harry _I'd say I was being mocked for displaying the smallest hint of attachment to you last night." Harry casually flicked some ash into the water  
"It's just as well you know better then." His smirk softened into a much more Harry-like smile and Draco's glare vanished. He could feel something stirring the bottom of his stomach as, of their own accord, his fingers began tracing the lines on Harry's arm. Draco noticed Harry leaning minutely towards him however the Gryffindor pulled himself from whatever that particular thought process had been and turned back to gazing over the lake as he put the cigarette back between his lips.

Draco stared thoughtfully back down at Harry's arm, fingers tracing the pale red scars that were slowly turning silver over time just above the veins on his wrist.  
"So why not use a charm to get rid of the scars, or even use a glamour so know one sees," he paused, mouth twisting into a devious smirk "I thought you would have had enough of scars by now." Harry turned to look at the smirking blonde, tossing the nights first and only cigarette into the water.  
"At least I have the choice about these scars." Draco's eyes instinctively flicked to Harry's forehead where the bottom point of the lightning bolt was visible between a few strands of unruly hair.

Harry began to play around with the lighter that he was still gripping. The light illuminated Harry's neck and Draco was forced to do a double take. Against his better instincts he took his hand from the Gryffindor's arm and ran one pale finger across a silver line that banded around his neck. He felt Harry shiver beneath the touch, assessing the temperature it struck Draco that it hadn't been through the cold. He withdrew his eyes from where they were staring and looked up to see Harry gazing down at him.  
"Where did that come from ?" Draco asked as he moved his face in for a closer look, finger still idly running the length of the scar.  
"Botched sacrifice attempt ...death eater wasn't even bright enough to hit the vein."  
"Which I'm guessing led to yet another brilliant Gryffindor narrow brush with death." Draco mused sarcastically. Harry half laughed above him at the comment that, what seemed like a thousand years ago, would have left him fuming  
"Of course it did, would you expect any less from the boy-who-lived ?" He asked sardonically, Draco seemed far to engrossed in his close up inspection "it was the summer after fifth year." Harry added.  
"You've had it that long ?" Draco asked him incredulously "How come I've never noticed it before ?"  
Harry shrugged in response before breaking into a smirk of his own as he felt the blondes breath against his skin "Perhaps it's because you have never had your face buried in my neck before Malfoy." Draco's head shot away, eyes locking with Harry's, finger still running over Harry's neck.

"Why Potter, was that a touch of disappointment I could hear in your voice ?"  
"What on earth would make you think that ?" Harry, asked genuinely curious  
"Don't get all defensive on me ! I was no way implying that you swung that way."  
"No no of course you weren't." Harry replied, clearly not believing a word of what Draco said. There was a long pause in which Harry looked back out over the black water as Draco raised an eyebrow at him  
"Well do you ?" The Slytherin asked inquisitively  
"Do I what ?" Harry asked with feigned naivety, unable to stop the smirk that crept over his face  
"Don't play innocent with me Mr Potter," Draco said with an eerie resemblance to Professor Snape "do you fancy boys or not ?"  
Harry became painfully aware of Draco's finger that was still caressing the scar on his neck as he ignored _that _tingle that was running up his spine, with a sigh he answered  
"Yes ...I do." A look of amusement overcame Draco's face as he pondered over this information  
"So ...the boy-who-lived fancies other boys." Harry rolled his eyes at the joy Draco was taking at this revelation  
"Yes because I'm _sure _you're so very straight." Harry drawled sarcastically  
"Please ! I spent the last 7 years, give or take the time I was exiled, socialising in a common room where the most eligible females were Pansy Parkinson and Millicent Bulstrode of course I'm a bloody queer !" Harry snorted, head dropping forward with suppressed laughter causing Draco's hand to slip round to the nape of his neck.

"Merlin there's a sound the world hasn't been graced with for awhile," Harry looked up at him as he wiped a tear from his eye, brows furrowing in question to his statement "the sound of you laughing you idiot." Harry smiled at him, both knowing that he had in fact had very little to laugh at, before the Gryffindor was hit with another wave of giggles. This time it was Draco's turn to roll his eyes "In which case," he said as he took his hand from where it had tangled in Harry's hair  
"I feel my work here is done for the evening." Harry looked up at him, laughter barely suppressed as Draco walked away. Harry knew it hadn't been that funny but that seemed completely irrelevant now as he stared over the rocks at the departing blonde.


	3. No Kind of Queen

Harry spread out on his side, left hand tracing indistinguishable patterns on the smooth surface of the lake. He could feel his lighter pressing into his hip and the cardboard of the cigarette packet cracking beneath his weight. This proved a distraction as Harry mentally played his most recent favourite game: 'How long can the nicotine be resisted ?' Usually for Harry, it wasn't very long at all. Familiar footsteps crunched lightly over the flaking rocks, coming closer as the sarcastic voice aired the opening comment of the night.

"Trying out a new position this evening are we Potter ?" Harry smirked as he swung his legs round and propped himself up into the usual sitting position.  
"Oh you know us Gryffindors," he replied "always eager to blindly try new things." Harry looked up at Draco just in time to see his eyes roll as he sat down.  
"There was me thinking you'd got over all that Gryffindork nonsense." Harry gasped and held his hand offer his heart in feigned offence at the comment, causing Draco's lips to twitch into the tiniest of smiles "I can't believe you would think me any less heroic than I used to be, I mean wouldn't it be _such _a tragedy if there were no one around to say ...save random hapless Hufflepuff's from drowning in the lake ?" Harry said mockingly as he removed his hand from his heart in order to extract the fresh, albeit now rather squashed, packet of cigarettes. Draco snorted before replying, "You, and the rest of the world, call it tragedy ? I'd call it good population curbing."

Harry let out the briefest of laughs as he methodically unwrapped the plastic, sitting it on the rock.  
"Incendio." Draco called as Harry had barely enough time to shuffle a little distance to the side to avoid the melting plastic. He took a cigarette from the pack, placing it back in his pocket as he brought out his lighter. The plastic crumpled into a charred heap and Draco prodded it into the lake with the end of his wand where it sank without a trace as Harry lit up, smoke curling into the air.

The blonde lifted his nose higher in the air, taking a long sniff of the cigarette smoke before his lips curled into a look of sheer disdain. In that moment Harry was reminded fleetingly of how Lucius Malfoy looked when he saw Harry or how Narcissa used to look all of the time.  
"How can you smoke that stuff ?" Draco asked him rather inarticulately, waving a hand in the general direction of the cigarette Harry was now taking a second drag from.  
"I have no idea, it's disgusting really but it works as a relaxant for me," he shrugged, clearly not able to elaborate further "care to try some Malfoy ?" He held the white stick in front if the Slytherin,  
"No thank you _Harry _," was the scathing retort "I think I'll pass on the crude muggle drugs." He finished the statement with a hair toss that Harry wasn't even sure the blonde was conscious of doing.

"Scared Malfoy ?" The challenge hung in the air, Harry and Draco both knowing the easiest way to convince either party to participate in any action was to make it into a challenge. Draco turned, one shaped blonde eyebrow lifted,  
"You wish." He snatched the cigarette from between Harry's fingers and placed it without hesitation to his lips. It was obvious from that moment that Draco was thoroughly disgusted by the experience. He inhaled slowly yet expelled the smoke at top speed with a cough as he practically threw the cigarette back at Harry.  
"That.." He managed to gasp through hacks "was utterly revolting." Harry was shaking with suppressed laugher as Draco began repeatedly sticking his tongue out in a most undignified manor.

Draco, who was too repulsed to notice, continued to cough and moan about how awful the tobacco had been "My tongue feels all fuzzy ...thoroughly unpleasant habit you have there Potter."  
Harry lost all control of his hilarity as soon as the normally poised, witty Slytherin said the word 'fuzzy' and was now leaning on Draco's shoulder for support.

"Oh yes my trauma is very bloody funny, Merlin Potter that's twice now I've had you in hysterics clearly I'm either very funny or you are just a total imbecile." Harry managed to gain some composure at the insult and his head shot from his resting place on the blonde's shoulder  
"Malfoy, you can't go using words like 'imbecile' when I just heard you use the word 'fuzzy' ...I mean you really don't strike me as the fuzzy type." Draco glared back as Harry casually took a draw of the cigarette that was nearly defunct after the hilarity.  
"Well I was most traumatised and couldn't think of a better word." Harry rolled his eyes, flicking his cigarette into the water.

"Very well then _Draco _but it was hardly a trauma." Draco let out a most unmanly huff  
"It was so, it was utterly repulsive." His pink lips shaped into a pout as he grumpily folded his arms.  
"Oh lord Malfoy you're such a bloody..."  
"A what Potter ?" Draco snapped at Harry who found this sulking Draco not as nearly as menacing as Draco seemed to think he would.  
"A bloody drama _queen _" Harry's added emphasis was not lost on Draco who turned back to scowl once more. Harry fought back a bout of giggles as Draco appeared to be entirely serious.  
"I am not a _queen _," he spat "drama or otherwise." He turned his focus back to the lake and pouted again through huffs and hair tossing.  
"You flaming well are Draco ! You don't even notice you're doing it !" Draco looked at the Gryffindor, annoyance replaced by a stare of questioning "You are bloody pouting Malfoy."

Draco gasped indignantly, getting to his feet abruptly and glaring down at Harry.  
"I do not pout !" Harry waited for a brat-like foot stamp but it never came "It is the natural formation of my lips." Once again it took a lot for Harry to repress his laughter but he tried his best as he scrambled to his feet and stood in front of Draco.  
"Very well I believe you Malfoy." Draco's eyes swept over him with a calculating gaze, trying to feel out any sarcasm in Harry's statement. Seemingly satisfied, Draco unfolded his arms and finally stopped glaring, replacing it with a mischievous glint.  
"Apologise." It wasn't a request, more of a command. Harry gaped incredulously back at him, sighing in resolve.  
"Fine, I'm sorry I made fun of you and called you a queen." Harry added what he hoped had been a charming smile at the end, hoping to win Draco's forgiveness quicker. For a moment the Slytherin seemed won over but a smirk settled itself on the pale face.  
"You Gryffindor's are easier to tame than people would think ...now I must leave and repeatedly brush my teeth to erase the taste of tonight." He turned on his heel just as Harry replied to his goodbye.

"Either that or find something better to taste." He smirked at his rare display of quick wit yet was surprised at his own overtly flirtatious comment. Draco looked back over his shoulder at the Gryffindor, blonde hair falling over most of his face  
"In which case I'm afraid to disappoint you Potter but that counts you well out." With a swish of blonde hair and black robes the Slytherin made his way over the dry rocky path, not hearing Harry's quiet issue of the word "damn".


	4. Haven't you ever liked some boy?

Harry pulled his cloak back onto his shoulders from where it had slipped as he sat down on the damp rock. The mid-October weather brought in a chilling wind, which in turn dragged with it frequent bouts of rain. As his hand rested on the rock to ease himself down, Harry was thankful of the moisture repellence charms that were cast over Hogwarts school robes. Unfortunately this did not prevent the cool of the night air chilling his skin. A mere moment after positioning himself a safe enough distance from the spraying water Harry had both the cigarette's and lighter pulled from inside his robes. With a hasty movement a cigarette was taken from the cardboard and placed between chapped lips. The silver lighter was flipped open, warming Harry's face as he lit up. Before he flicked it closed again the orange glow cast a flailing shadow across a blood-dried cut on Harry's hand. He frowned as he stuffed the lighter and packet into the pocket on the inside of his robes and, removing the cigarette from his mouth with his left hand, brought the right hand to his mouth, tongue lapping over the cut to clean it of the blood. The customary sound of feet, no longer crunching but padding against the wet rock, came towards Harry who was now taking a long drag of the cigarette (returned to its place between index and middle fingers of his right hand).

The blond gracefully lowered himself down beside the Gryffindor, a little closer than was strictly necessary. Draco rationalised that it was to share body heat, Draco also knew a fantastic amount about denial. His silver eyes swept meticulously over a seemingly contemplative Harry and he resolved to hold back comment in case Harry was mulling over something vastly important (although the Slytherin highly doubted that that was the case). Draco continued to survey the dark haired boy: green eyes glowing from the light of the embers every time the tobacco was inhaled, strands of hair falling over his forehead, intentionally or not, obscuring the lightning bolt scar and brushing the tips of his eyelashes. As Harry blinked and shook his head a little to move the hair from tickling his face, Draco saw the newly healing cut adorning the Gryffindor's usually unmarred hand.

"Fresh wound ?" He asked, finally breaking the impenetrable silence. Harry let out a long exhalation of smoke as he gave the Slytherin one brief nod, flicking the cigarette into the lake  
"Fresh wound." In a rather uncharacteristic fashion Draco let the issue rest there, sensing Harry clearly saw no reason of importance of discuss the matter.

As Harry went to take a second cigarette from inside his black robes Draco spoke up again  
"You really are going to kill yourself if you carry on smoking like that," Harry turned to stare blankly at him, unused to any concern for his health from the blond "I thought even you would be intelligent enough to see that." He added with a smirk. Harry's mouth broke into the smallest of smirks also as he saw Draco's attempt to engage in conversation, his head cocked to one side  
"Do you have any idea how much like Snape you can actually be some times ?" Draco simply smirked wider and raised a shaped, blond eyebrow at Harry  
"I have absolutely no idea as to the nature of your inane ramblings Mr Potter." Harry snorted as he muttered something that sounded decidedly similar to 'greasy git'. Draco's smirk converted itself to a mischievous grin  
"Now Potter," he stated, no longer attempting to impersonate the Potions Master "that is no way to speak about my head of house, especially considering the amount of times the man saved your life ...albeit those weren't his best decisions..." Harry smiled, turning to look over the lake "besides," Draco added "it is a well known fact that _Professor _Snape is in fact highly regarded as an extremely sexy, seductive master of Potions." Harry's head turned slowly back round to Draco, an expression somewhere between incredulity and nausea on his face. The blond smiled, seeing his last comment had had the desired effect on the Gryffindor.

"You don't agree ?" Draco asked him with well faked sincerity. Harry rapidly shook his head having been well silenced by the Slytherin's comment. Draco raised his eyebrows, face turning from Harry to look over the turbulent water as the dark haired boy continued to gawk at him  
"And there was me thinking that it had been your deep-seated feelings for him that had you realise you were gay." He looked at Harry grinning "am I to assume I was wrong ?" Harry, who seemed to have regained the power of speech managed a few attempts at a string of words before a full sentence emerged  
"Yes you assumed wrong !" He spluttered "Snape ? Sexy ? Seductive ?" He asked with flailing hand gestures. Draco began to laugh as he grabbed Harry's hands to prevent any injuries, the skin was cold against his, leaving the blond ignoring the fact that his whole body had instantly warmed in spite of that. He placed Harry's hands gently back down on the Gryffindor's thighs and took his own hands away. Harry stared down, lips barely parted, blinking every so often until shaking himself out of his stupor when Draco spoke up again

"Since it wasn't Snape would you care to tell me what did cause you to realise ?" Harry rung his hands together in a desperate attempt to quell the tingling feeling he was currently experiencing.  
"There were a few things that made me realise..." He began eventually "Given my first real experience with any girl it's not surprising," he paused "that was with Cho by the way." He added needlessly. Draco snorted but quickly tried for redemption when he saw the look on Harry's face  
"Everyone knew what went on with you and Chang ...well near enough everything but I don't really need the juicy heterosexual details." He screwed up his face with a look of disgust causing a soft smile to flit across Harry's face  
"Well anyway as I was saying," he continued "that was ...a bloody waste of space really. During sixth year I began to notice myself noticing guys more if you know what I mean ?" Draco nodded having been there before "I did try to ignore it for a while but it got harder and harder..." His train of thought drifted off as he noticed the Slytherin shaking with suppressed laughter  
"What are you..." He trailed off again when he realised what he'd said "You dirty, perverted git stop laughing." He admonished before going on with his story, smirking as he realised what he would next say "I realised I definitely had to face it when I found myself checking out your arse." Draco's head shot up, laughter immediately ceased "That was really the last straw." Harry finished, looking up at the cloud covered sky as if he hadn't noticed Draco's reaction.

The blond continued to stare open-mouthed at Harry, finally questioning him in a strangely soft voice  
"You were checking me out ?" Harry nodded, amused by the mystified expression Draco was wearing "how come I never noticed before ?" Harry shrugged  
"Like I said it was your arse I was looking at so one has to assume you weren't facing the right way to notice ...and don't look so surprised, a narcissist such as yourself should not be shocked _Draco _." The Slytherin was about to contest the last comment until realising that Harry actually had him well figured out, then what Harry had first said struck a nerve  
"And what would be so wrong with looking at the front of me as opposed to the back ?" He spat, although without any hint of real malice as he stood up and swept a hand over his body in demonstration. Harry clambered to his feet in order to stand in front of Draco.  
"There would be nothing wrong with it Malfoy."

His eyes ran up the Slytherin's long legs, glancing over his slender waist, highlighted by the exquisite tailoring of his robes. Harry let his gaze wander up the muscles of the pale neck, into the jaw length blond hair that framed those high aristocratic cheek bones and brushed ever so slightly over obviously pouting lips. Finally Harry's stare came to settle on _those _silver eyes. He took a step forward, hand raising to the strands of blond hair that were hanging over Draco's left eye. Softly, calloused fingertips grazing lightly over Draco's forehead, Harry pushed the strands from his face, tucking them behind his ear. He noticed the blond shivering beneath the touch ever so slightly as he reiterated his assurance  
"Nothing wrong with it at all..."

For a dragged out moment they stayed in that position, Draco's hands limp by his side as Harry's fingers were gently caressing the lock of hair. Draco shivered again, more visibly this time. Harry swallowed past the lump in his throat to allow speech  
"If you're cold ...maybe you should go back inside." The Slytherin continued to stare at him  
"Yeah " Draco moved backwards causing Harry's hand to fall. He slowly made his way back over the rocks until Harry shouted to him  
"Wrap up warmer tomorrow Draco." The blond stopped and turned round, bewildered smile gracing his pale face as he nodded then retreated.

Harry let out a long breath that he hadn't been aware of holding. His hands fumbled around inside his robes, failing three times to find anything as his head would refuse to stop bombarding him with most confusing and conflicting thoughts. He muttered to himself as his actions became more frantic  
"I really need a bloody cigarette..."


	5. The Scheming Face of Gryffindor

As October drew nearer completion the weather in and around Hogwarts grew steadily colder. The chilling breeze that had brought rain was now a biting wind that made the atmosphere feel well below freezing in Harry's estimation. He planted himself on the rock, pleased that, despite the obvious fact that he could almost feel his rear and the backs of his thighs sticking with the cold, the rocks were dry for the first time in a week. His lighter was already in his hands from the walk down as it had proved a convenient source of heat in the palm of his hand. With a shiver as his opened robes let in the cold air he groped around quickly for his cigarettes. Once found, Harry hastily fastened the black material closed again. Taking one from the cardboard he lit it with a slightly shaking hand as the familiar body of Draco Malfoy dropped onto a patch of rock beside him.

Harry sat the lighter atop the packet as he leant back taking a long drag of the tobacco. A gust of wind blew across the water and he felt the blond shuffle a little nearer. The hand that hung loose by Draco's right thigh almost in-perceivably grazed the Gryffindors left hand that sat on the rock.

"Nice to see you've finally begun wrapping up warmer Draco." Harry said finally

"Well, I would hate to fall ill and deprive you of my presence." Harry rolled his eyes but Draco noticed he didn't disagree. Another gust of strong wind blew past them and the blond wrapped his arms around himself

"Bloody autumn weather." Harry exhaled another puff of smoke and turned to Draco

"I always thought you would have liked colder weather." Draco raised an eyebrow

"And why, pray tell Potter, would you think that."

The dark haired boy shrugged "I have no idea actually ...I just thought you would. You seem like the type I guess." He turned away again, flicking ash casually from the end of his cigarette as Draco peered at him thoughtfully

"I like snow ...and those days where it is sunny and frosty, if you wear enough layers of clothing on days like that then you don't have to notice the cold." Harry nodded in agreement "but if it's windy like this," he gestured emphatically with his hand "then it grates against your skin making it all dry and red."

Harry chuckled out a small cloud of smoke and Draco looked at him indignantly

"Sorry, I guess the image of a rosy cheeked Draco Malfoy was too much for me."

"Are you insinuating that I could not pull off the angelic look?" Draco looked wistfully across the lake, trying to look as innocent as possible. The pale cream of his skin and the blond of his hair did perhaps give him a slightly heavenly look, Harry however knew better than to believe it

"No no of _course_ not Draco, you are positively the picture of innocence." Harry did all he could to suppress a giggle. The Slytherin looked round at him, the corners of his mouth quirking up

"Perhaps you're right." Harry made a feigned gasp of shock and shook his head as if doing a double take. He flicked his cigarette into the choppy waters of the lake and placed his hand over his heart

"Did I hear correctly? Did _the_ Draco Malfoy just tell me I was right about something."

"No, I only said that you were perhaps right." Harry faked a forlorn look and peered over the lake

"Alas, I knew it was too good to be true." The blond rolled his eyes at the other boys antics although couldn't force away the grin that threatened to break across his face.

"You know Harry, you should really consider a career in acting." Harry turned back to him "not that you need to be any more famous mind you." He added as an after thought. The Gryffindor scowled at him but his face softened when he saw that Draco seemed to realise what he had said.

"It's Halloween tomorrow night." Harry said a few minutes later, looking for a change of conversation. Draco stuffed his hands up the sleeves of his robes against the cold

"Very observant of you, Potter." Harry pulled another cigarette from the packet

"I thought so yes. I've always quite like Halloween since I got here." He lit up and took a long drag

"Why not before then?" Harry exhaled, grey smoke curling up before being caught by the wind

"The Dursleys of course." Draco attempted to subtly close the gap between them, thighs now just touching. With a small toss of his head he flicked a strand of hair from his face before replying

"Ah, of course. Would I be right in assuming that fat-arsed cousin of yours would steal what sweets you got?" Draco had heard how bad Harry's muggle relatives were on more than one occasion, each of those times having to force off the strange urge to hunt them down and hit them with whatever nasty curse he could conjure at the time.

"That was whenever they actually let me go trick-or-treating." He smiled as a memory came to him "there was this one year when I wanted to go out as a wizard," Draco snorted "exactly ...I wasn't allowed food for three days after that..." The Slytherin suddenly found the story significantly less funny and felt an unexplainable thirst to exact revenge for what those muggles had done to Harry.

"These stories hardly do anything to endear me to muggles Potter. I mean you just say the word and all the three of them will be oversized slugs for the rest of eternity." Harry inhaled the tobacco and blew it out. He turned to the blond and smiled

"Thanks for the sentiment Draco but I'll pass. Not all muggles are bad, the Dursleys just happen to be an exception." Draco wasn't convinced but said nothing else and wondered when his instincts had kicked in, causing his hand to reach for his wand.

"As someone brought up in the wizarding world you probably like Halloween, right?"

"It's all right, I like the fact that I can indulge my sweet tooth as much as I want and have justification for it. The only thing that bothers me is..." Harry flicked another cigarette stub into the black water as he waited for Draco to continue "well it is meant to be the scariest night of the year and so far ...I've never actually been scared on Halloween." Draco's eyes drifted over the lake and followed a brown leaf that had been caught in an up draft. He therefore missed the somewhat calculating expression that had crept over Harry's face.

"I suppose it's because you are expecting it?" The silver eyes continued to stare at the leaf as it dissolved on the lake's surface. The cogs could practically be seen turning in the Gryffindors head

"Precisely, there isn't any surprise in it." Harry's lips curved into a smirk that looked eerily natural on his face.

Draco shivered then let out a long yawn. He stretched his arms above his head, narrowly missing clipping Harry's glasses. The dark haired boy watched the sinuous movements with an unconcealed fascination. The blond stood up in one fluid motion and looked down to Harry

"I'll see you tomorrow Potter ...probably with pockets full of sugared substances." Harry smiled

"Night Draco." The Slytherin gave a tired wave of his hand as he turned and walked away.

For the innumerable night, Harry shifted his position on the rock to watch the retreating back of the blond, taking quiet delight in the dramatic way the wind whipped at the blond hair and black robes.

-

notes: some shameless advertising, myself and CS Whitewolf have co-created and are currently co-authoring a story called "Beyond Redemption". Now it may not be to everyone's taste, but we have an account here on fanfiction under the pen name Sisters of Darkness so I ask only a moment of your time to read the information in the biography to see if the fic intices you.Thank you sweethearts, and for all the reviews so far ! Kisses Aurora-Enkeli.


	6. Halloween Night the cliches of Light and...

Harry smirked as he lowered himself carefully onto the damp rock. The cold wind ruffled his already messy hair and chilled his face, indicating the rapid onset of winter. The air smelled fresh from the down pour of rain earlier in the day, now, however, the sky had cleared. It had just begun a new moon and the sky was left black for only the stars to light.

Hogwarts cast a shimmering glow that barely reached where Harry sat at the side of the lake. In many situations, Harry felt, it would make a fantastically romantic setting. However, this was Halloween and the atmosphere created the perfect scenario to put his plan into action.

As he heard the all-too-familiar sound of fine leather shoes coming over the rocks, Harry slid his implement of deviousness from inside his robes. It was a mask, a simple muggle one, made of rubber. The 'skin' was green and gave a distinct impression of having contracted some unpleasant skin disorder. Its mouth was thin and twisted and snarling which, when coupled with its obviously hooked nose, gave Harry an eerie reminder of Snape on a good day.

He chuckled at his own analogy, knowing that coming face to face with the Potions Master on dark night would certainly make his Halloween terrifying. Harry wasn't sure Draco would be remotely scared by the crude mask but he felt it was at least worth a shot and slipped it over his face.

"Why Potter I'm surprised," came the drawling voice "you must have been here at least five minutes yet I can see no trace of the cloud that tends to hover above you in a foul mass." Harry sat stock still, keeping his gaze forward.

"Potter?" He couldn't hear any trace of apprehension, only the quick-to-grow Malfoy impatience.

"Potter?" Draco tried again and was greeted once again with silence. "Harry? What in the name of Salazar are you doing?"

Harry rose from the ground slowly, hanging his head as he did so. He heard Draco's steps falter and his face broke into a grin beneath the mask. The blond placed a tentative hand on Harry's shoulder.

Harry turned his body slowly but kept his face from Draco's gaze as best as he could. Draco huffed at Harry's behaviour and turned away in preparation to sit down. Harry took this as his cue and shot his masked face up to meet Draco's.

The blond looked round impatiently but when he caught sight of Harry's face he let out what could only be described as a high pitched squeal. He tried to step away but found himself at the edge of the lake and his balance faltered.

With seeker reflexes Harry jumped forward and grabbed Draco's wrist in his hand to prevent him falling into the lake.

The force with which Harry pulled Draco forward with caused the blond to fall into Harry who had to steady himself against the other boys weight. He pulled the mask off and cast it aside.

"Draco?" No answer. "Draco?" Still no answer. Then he heard Draco's voice mumbling something into his neck but it was muffled by his skin.

"What was that?" Harry asked in a deliberately cheerful tone. Draco pulled his face away.

"I said 'Potter, don't you ever do something like that again you bloody git or you will be seeing a very bright flash of green light.'" Harry chuckled at the clearly empty threat. Draco merely glared.

"Oh yes hahaha it's _so_ funny that I nearly had a heart attack and fell in the lake." Harry laughed louder as Draco huffily dropped himself to the rocks and folded his arms across his chest. Harry rolled his eyes at the Slytherins over-dramatic antics but refrained from making a comment. Instead he chose to plant himself next to Draco so they were sitting thigh to thigh.

"Okay Draco, I'm sorry I shouldn't laugh at your suffering." Draco turned and glared harder at the dark haired boy who had picked up on the quite blatant sarcasm. He stuffed his hands into his robes in search of his cigarettes and lighter.

"But you were the one who said you had never been scared at Halloween, aren't you glad you can finally say you have?" He found the packet and pulled it from his pocket, taking a cigarette out and placing it between his lips.

"No I am not glad Potter." He spat back. Harry took out his lighter and brought the flame to the tip of his cigarette, inhaling deeply as it lit. He flicked it closed and replaced it to the inside pocket of his robes in its rightful place besides the crushed cardboard packet.

"Very well, I apologise for scaring you and for laughing at you." Harry wasn't sorry, it had been worth it but he certainly didn't like having Draco mad at him. "Wasn't it also you who said it was Hufflepuffs who need saved from the lake? Have you recently switched houses and not mentioned?"

The sheer intensity of Draco's glare was normally enough to dissolve small children to tears. The one he was aiming at Harry on the other hand was a glare that could have easily sent Godric Gryffindor himself fleeing the area.

Harry neither cried not ran: he leant back casually and exhaled smoke through parted lips and watched as it curled up towards the black sky. Not wanting to get into a conversation about Hogwarts House politics with a very angry Slytherin Harry quickly changed the subject to something he knew would easily distract the blond.

"So how many sugarary substances did you steal from the hall tonight?" Draco's glare lessened in power and he rummaged inside the pockets of his robes. Harry could hear the rustling of papers and the faint sound of sweets hitting other sweets.

Draco made a face that indicated he was satisfied with the amounts his hands had fixed themselves around and, shifting over slightly to make space, pulled the piles from his pockets.

Harry's jaw dropped when he turned to see what Draco had pillaged from the Great Hall. On the rocks sat a small mountain of Liquorice Wands, hidden beneath a layer of Peppermint Toads, which was covered with Fizzing Whizbees, then those were disguised under a pile of various chocolates and the whole pile was topped with an assortment of Fudge Flies, Jelly Slugs and Ice Mice.

"Draco you can't possibly eat all that! One person just can't ingest that much sugar, it's physically impossible."

"Nonsense Potter I can and will eat all this ...easily I might add. Besides," he said as he pulled the wings from a Fudge Fly "I've normally got more than this. There is another pile on my bed, this was just a travelling supply."

Harry stared incredulously at the blond as he popped the severed wings, followed by the bodies, into his mouth. He shook his head and took a drag of tobacco. Draco looked up from the pile of sweets as he plucked a square of dark chocolate from beneath a Jelly Slug.

"What's that expression for?" Draco asked in between nibbling the corners from the chocolate.

"I just thought it to be a little..." Harry waved his hand in a gesture that showed his search for an appropriate phrase "a little out of character for the Prince of Slytherin to be so excited about chocolate."

Draco raised a blond eyebrow at Harry and ceased his slow nibbling.

"Says the Gryffindor Golden Boy with the cigarette in his hand and the cuts on his wrist."

Harry contemplated this as he took another drag of the cigarette before tossing it into the lake.

"Good point." He said, blowing out the smoke.

"Anyway," Draco added, "It's dark chocolate so I think it to be perfectly fitting." Harry rolled his eyes. "Oh what? Don't tell me, _your_ favourite chocolate is white?" Draco was clearly being sarcastic so Harry just looked up to the stars rather sheepishly.

"Oh my gods!" Draco said "It is isn't it?" Harry looked back round.

"Yes as a matter of fact it is." He gazed at Draco with an expression of mild annoyance. Draco's free hand rummaged around in the pile of sweets.

"There," he said, pulling out three squares of white chocolate and holding them out to Harry "I've never been a huge fan of white chocolate anyway."

"Why doesn't that shock me?" Harry snorted as he took a bite. Draco peered over at Harry, a look of realisation crept across his face. Harry furrowed his brow in question.

"Look at us, we're living up to our own clichés: you with your white chocolate, me with my dark. Complete opposites." Harry swallowed his chocolate.

"Or a perfect match." Harry mentally slapped himself as soon as he made the statement.

"That, Harry, may be the most ridiculously, mushy Gryffindor-esque thing you have ever said ..._ever_." Harry blushed slightly, looking up to the sky again as he continued to slap himself repeatedly in his mind.

"I suppose it could be true though." Draco said after a long pause. He stared thoughtfully at his teeth-mark ridden piece of chocolate. "They say opposites attract after all."

He put the square into his mouth. His eyes closed as he let it melt on his tongue. Harry glanced out the corner his eye when he heard Draco emit a low moan. He turned fully to watch as Draco enjoyed his chocolate just a little too much.

The blond tilted his head back just a little, lips forming a pout as the last of the chocolate melted.

"Would you and the chocolate like to be alone?" Harry asked him. Draco opened his eyes and smirked at him.

"Jealous Potter?" He raised an eyebrow challengingly.

"You wish." Harry was both jealous and highly confused as to how on earth he had found himself envious of a piece of food. However it seemed too bizarre a question for even Harry to explore.

"I'm hurt Harry," Draco feigned an emotionally wounded look "Since I cannot make you jealous with chocolate induced orgasms," with the dark of the night Draco missed the pink tinge creeping over Harry's face "then I shall bid you good night."

The Slytherin began scooping the sweets into his pockets, something which proved to be a lengthy task in itself. When everything looked to be collected (bar another piece of white chocolate which he had given Harry) Draco stood up. Harry followed suit.

"Draco wait," Harry reached out and took the blondes wrist as he turned to leave. "About earlier ...you know ...my scaring you?" Draco's expression grew mildly irritated: indicating that yes, he indeed remembered but it softened some what at the gentleness of Harry's tone.

"Well I just wanted to say..." Harry took a step closer, "that the squealing ...that sound will be with me forever." Harry grinned as he saw Draco's expression contort into absolute fury.

The blond tried to spit out a retort but it got lost somewhere in the rage so he opted to turn on his heel and storm off. His robes blew back, in spite of the lack of wind, and Harry began laughing.

"Someone has been at Snape's drama draught!" He shouted over the rocks.

Harry then had to duck from a well aimed Jelly Slug as it skimmed past his ear and landed in the black water of the lake with a dull plop. He continued laughing to himself as he settled back down on the rocks.

As he pulled the cigarettes from inside his robes once more he looked down at the gradually sinking slug, Harry wondered if on the lake bed there was an every growing pile of cigarette stubs. He decided to eat the chocolate before indulging in more tobacco.Harry nibbled at the edges in the same way Draco had done. Slowly his thoughts drifted to the blond. The sound of his very undignified squeal made Harry chuckle once more but it was swiftly silenced by another sound Draco had made.

One that Harry, in spite of what he told Draco, found much more enjoyable to recollect.


	7. Always Knew You Were A Badger

Harry's feet slipped across the rocks, wet from the mid November rain. He was purposely later in avoidance of a torrential downpour and was fairly certain that Draco would also be late for fear of damage to his hair. When he reached the edge of the rocks Harry cast a quick drying charm over his favored spot, drying an extra area for Draco.

He stuffed his wand back into his robes, bringing out his cigarettes as he searched the pockets of his jeans with his other hand for his lighter. He took one out the pack and crushed it back inside his robes. Harry flipped open the lighter but it merely gave a dissonant scrape, sending off a few sparks. He frowned, pulling his finger down the roller and sending more sparks into the air. Still no flame lit and Harry brought the lighter up to his ear. He shook it, expecting to hear nothing but could clearly make out the sound of liquid swishing around inside.

"Is it talking back yet Potter?" Harry heard the drawl from behind him and rolled his eyes.

"Very witty Malfoy." He replied, voice a little altered by the cigarette he was fighting to keep between his lips. Harry tried the lighter again, this time a small flame emerging from the tip. He made a noise of triumph and brought it to the cigarette, lighting it and inhaling.

"I dried you a patch of rock by the way." Harry told the blond as he took his cigarette from his mouth and exhaled. Draco lowered himself gracefully down next to Harry.

"Gods Potter, if this 'patch of rock' were any smaller I'd be on your knee. Unless, of course, that was the plan." Harry didn't need to look round to see the smirk across the pale face of the Slytherin.

"Damn, you weren't meant to figure it out so quickly." He said mockingly before taking another drag. Harry blew the smoke out slowly towards the overcast sky, Draco's silver eyes following its path as it curved upwards.

Harry placed his elbows on his knees, leaning forwards and staring down into the black depths of the lake.

"I was thinking." Harry said in wondering voice as he took another drag of tobacco.

"You didn't do any permanent damage did you?" Draco took Harry's pause for inhalation as a chance for a quick insult. Harry blew the smoke out, deliberately angling it towards Draco just a little. The blond coughed over dramatically, swatting away the smoke with his hand.

"You really are on a roll tonight Draco, what's next? Going to call me a Gryffindork?" Harry flicked off some ash and watched as it floated slowly to the waters surface.

"No I feel myself past such petty insults." Harry snorted, fighting back a laugh. Draco simply stared indignantly at him.

"What I _was_ thinking, was that you never told me what it was that made _you_ realize that you like other than boys ...other than being forced to as a result of the lack of decent Slytherin females."

Harry took a long drag, tossing the just over half smoked cigarette into the lake. He exhaled as he leant back.

"Only you, Potter, could think of that almost two months later." Draco leant back as well, shoulder brushing with Harry's.

"What can I say," Harry said turning to look at Draco "I'm a little slow, could be all those blows to the head over the years ...many of which from your fist might I add."

Draco laughed and turned to Harry. They were so close to each other that as Draco did so, the ends of his blond hair skimmed across Harry's face causing him to screw up his nose as he rapidly shook his head.

"Well I'd say I was sorry but I would be lying and of course you know how much we Slytherins detest lying." Harry tilted his head and raised an eyebrow.

"Sure they do Malfoy." Draco continued his pseudo-innocent expression "I thought we had already discussed the fact that you could never look innocent?" Draco frowned at him, expression softening as he sighed.

"You can't blame a guy for trying, I'll just have to settle for being evilly sexy." Harry shook his head disparagingly.

"Bloody narcissist." Harry's eyes met Draco's and the blond smirked fiendishly at him.

"Yes but narcissism never looked so good." Draco brought up his hand to tuck some strands of hair behind his ear.

"Well Draco, I won't argue with that." Harry's sarcastic tone belied the truth he saw in the statement. "Now will you tell me or not?" Draco looked confused for a moment until it dawned on him what Harry meant.

"Oh yes that," he sat forward again "well the summer after fifth year, mother sent me to our house in France while she dealt with trying to get father out of prison..." Draco drifted off and Harry wondered if he'd walked into painful territory.

He sat up bringing himself in line with Draco. Unconsciously, Harry let his hand drop onto Draco's and leaned in closer to the blond.

"Are you ok?" He asked softly. Draco took in a sharp breath as he pulled himself out of his revere.

"Yeah I'm fine ...where was I?" Harry moved his hand back to his own thigh, taking his face from Draco's ear. "Oh, that's right. Well like I said I was in France, not even staying with relatives. It was just me and some house elves in an old chateaux. I wasn't alone too long though."

He turned back to look at Harry, another smirk on his face.

"I met a guy, just a little older than me, in the town one day. Turned out he lived in another chateaux not far from mine. He was from some old, pureblooded Parisian family that had moved away from the city."

Harry nodded along intently, watching the way that Draco's eyes lit up as he recollected his memory.

"I knew nearly instantly that I found him attractive ...willingly accepting his tongue in my mouth definitely confirmed it for me."

Harry found an unpleasant urge to hex this French wizard building in the back of his mind. Although he felt it made much more sense to be jealous of a wizard as opposed to pieces of chocolate or the strawberries he had witnessed Draco lovingly eating that morning.

"During sixth year me and Blaise fooled around a lot, so did me and ...some Ravenclaw, I can't remember his name."

Harry wasn't exactly sure what to say in response to the Slytherin so he sat silent as Draco turned his focus away and gazed out across the lake.

"For someone so insistent on my answering," Draco's voice drawled, breaking the silence eventually "you are being very quiet, it is most unlike you ...oh I know what the problem is." He sat back again, propping himself up on his elbows.

"You're disappointed." Harry turned and looked down at Draco "one of the factors of _your_ realisation was my well-toned ass but you didn't feature into mine at all."

Harry looked back round across the black water, feeling Draco shift beside him as he sat up.

"Don't take it personally Potter, I'm sure there are lots of guys who go for the sweet, innocent albeit smoking, self-harming hero type." Harry groaned and dropped his head into his hand, elbows digging into his thighs.

"Must just be something about the messy, dark hair," Draco laced is fingers through Harry's hair and tousled in playfully. Harry preceded to look up glaring. "And that cute, innocent little face." The blond ran the back of his fingers down Harry's cheek before pinching it. Harry screwed up his face and batted Draco off.

"Then there is the crowning glory," his hand cupped around Harry's cheek, forcing him to meet his gaze "the eyes."

Harry chose to roll said eyes for the innumerable time that night.

"It's always the eyes, what is so great about my eyes?"

Draco titled his head, staring at the things in question. Harry watched Draco's whole expression soften, lips pouting slightly as his tongue flicked out briefly to moisten his lips.

"They're just so..." Draco's blond eyebrows furrowed slightly in the middle as he searched for the correct word "...green."

"All that thought and you come up with 'green'?" Draco seemed to snap from his day dream and pulled his hand and face away.

"What did you want me to say? That they were sparkling in the subtle glow of the castle lights?"

Harry laughed and ran his hands through his hair. He could feel the first signs of drizzle upon his face.

"No, that would have been a little too cheesy. I probably would have thought you had been possessed or struck with some bizarre curse." Draco laughed as he stood up, reaching his hand down to ruffle Harry's hair again.

Harry threw his hand up, connecting with Draco's hip. The Slytherin turned to aim a light kick at Harry's side. Unfortunately for Draco, the heel of the foot he was standing on came into contact with a conglomeration of moss that was out with the effects of Harry's drying charm.

He slipped forward and all Harry could do was shut his eyes and turn away to protect himself from the splash. To Draco's credit he didn't squeal, although he did not have much time to react before he dropped into the lake.

Harry was fighting back uncontrollable laughter when it occurred to him that it was the middle of November and the lake would be absolutely freezing.

"Bugger!" Harry muttered as he scrambled onto his knees and leant forward off the rocks to peer into the water. He searched for a telltale head of blond hair, panic steadily building until a very disgruntled, shivering, wet Draco emerged from the dark depths.

Harry reached his hand out and it was gripped by a very slippery, cold one. He dragged Draco to the rocks, assisting the Slytherin to haul himself back up. Draco flopped onto the rocks, his breathing shallow and teeth chattering. Harry helped him sit up.

"See, I thought you'd switched to Hufflepuff. Did no one tell you that badgers don't swim so well?" Draco tried to glare as best he could, which for once wasn't very.

"V-v-very f-f-unny." He managed to say. Harry smiled softly at him and stood, carefully, pulling Draco up with him. Harry rubbed his hands up and down the blondes shoulders.

"Take off those wet robes before you get pneumonia." Harry began to unfasten the clip of his own robes.

"What a-a-re you d-d-d-doing?" Draco asked him.

"You can wear mine till we get up to the castle." He replied as he pulled the black robes off of his shoulders. The night air was cold, even through his jumper and t-shirt but he could withstand it for at least the journey back up.

Draco mumbled something that loosely translated from his shivers sounded like 'bloody Gryffindors' but Harry noticed he didn't protest as Harry unclipped the top of his robes.

Harry pulled off the sodden garment, wrapping his own robes around the blondes shoulders.

"I d-don't need s-s-saving Potter." Draco huffed indignantly as he turned and started walking away, conspicuously clutching on tightly to Harry's robes.

"I think the fish you disturbed in the lake would beg to differ. Wait, I'll walk you back up." Draco tossed his hair, water flicking from the soaked strands but stood and waited none the less.

The pair walked across the rocks and up the path towards the entrance hall, gravel crunching beneath their feet. As they walked through the tall doorway into the stone hall Draco paused, eyes screwing shut. Harry was about to ask him what was wrong when he sneezed.

If it had been a normal sneeze Harry probably would have said 'Bless you' or at the least said nothing. However Draco's sneeze sounded more like one that would be heard from a young child or fluffy animal, _not_ the Evil Prince of Slytherin.

"Oh gods, that was too cute." Harry couldn't stop himself and was well aware he would be hexed for saying it but couldn't help himself. Draco stepped up to him, bringing them face to face.

"I am not c-c-ute." Draco glared, partly at Harry and partly at his inability to talk without shivering. Harry smiled and Draco's glare lowered in intensity. He dropped the wet robes to the floor and brought his hands to Draco's shoulders and rubbed them again.

"Are you okay? I mean you did fall in freezing water." Draco tutted at him.

"Honestly I'm f-f-fine Potter." Harry's smile widened, face tilting as he took his the way Draco's blond hair was plastered to his head and the way occasional droplets of water ran down his temple. Draco gave a quiet snort of self-condescending amusement.

"Well if you're sure?" Draco gave a small nod. Harry ran his hands up and over Draco's shoulders, pulling him in against him. He felt the blond tense up in the embrace but within moments Draco's body relaxed. Harry's face was pressed into the cold, dampness of Draco's hair but he didn't seem to bother. He felt Draco's arms wrap loosely around his waist.

They lingered in the embrace for little over a minute before breaking apart and taking a moment to stare at one another.

"Good night Draco." Harry said, voice significantly more quiet than it had to be.

"Good night Harry." Draco replied, his voice equally as hushed. The Slytherin turned and headed down the passage that led to the dungeons, hands pulling Harry's robes tight around him.

When Draco had disappeared out of sight Harry sighed and bent down to pick up the wet mass of robe. He turned and slowly ascended the stair case, hand idly trailing up the banister, a rather unfocused expression in his eyes and the feel of Draco's arms around his waist.


	8. Stars Shining Bright Above You

The crisp night air nipped at Harry's cheeks, his breath forming a white fog in front of his face as he crossed the rocks. The ground was shimmering beneath the light of a full moon but lacked the slippery nature of ice and merely had the pleasing crunch of a thick frost. When he reached the end of the rocks he withdrew his wand and cast a charm that dispersed some of the frost, leaving the rocks still cold but without the crystalline particles that tended to cling to the thick material of Hogwarts school robes.

He sat down, wincing slightly as the cold seeped through his robes. He quickly pulled his pack of cigarettes from the inside pocket of his robes, slipping his wand back in as he did so. Harry struggled to tug his lighter from his trouser pocket but after a valiant attempt coupled with large amounts of wriggling he pulled it out.

He took a cigarette from the packet, placing it between his cold-chapped lips. A flame emerged from the lighter when he flipped it open and he brought it to his face, taking momentary comfort in the minuscule amount of heat it gave off.

Harry dropped the packet onto the rocks beside him (strategically on the side where Draco _didn't _sit), placing the lighter on top. He took a long inhalation, expelling the smoke back out slowly as he leant forward to place his elbows on his knees.

He heard the crunch crunch of footsteps coming across the rocks towards him. Draco's pacing was slower than usual and definitely missed the trademark confidence of its steps. Harry frowned as he put the cigarette in his mouth and inhaled again.

Draco lowered himself to the rocks, staring silently across the water of the lake. Harry blew out smoke, purposefully aiming it away from Draco. The blondes hair looked somewhat ethereal in the blue light of the moon. He looked up to the sky, stars reflecting in the silver of his iris'.

Harry turned to Draco, studying his face only to find a desolation in his expression that he had never seen on the normally so composed Slytherin. For one of few times in his life, Harry kept quiet. He turned back to look over the almost glowing water as he flicked some ash onto the rocks. He leant back onto his elbows, taking another drag of tobacco as he looked upwards to the stars.

His eyes roamed across the black sky, searching for what he would always seek when looking at constellations. He exhaled and spotted his target through the smoke. The second star down in Canis Major, brightest star in the sky. Sirius. Harry gave a soft smile, whether it was to the star, himself or Sirius he wasn't sure so he simply wrapped his lips once more around the end of his cigarette.

He flicked off more ash as he puffed out the smoke, watching as greying smoke morphed into his own white breath. Draco ran his hands through his hair, toying with the ends before dropping his head heavily into his hands.

"Do you know what the date is today Harry?" Came the muffled words. Harry's face contorted into an expression of concentration as he counted, tongue sticking out ever so slightly.

"Well yesterday was the Ravenclaw versus Hufflepuff match so that was the thirteenth so it would be December fourteenth..." Harry trailed off, realisation dawning on his face. He sat up slowly, tossing his cigarette into the lake before turning to look at Draco.

"Gods Draco, I completely forgot." The blond pulled his face from his hands to look at Harry.

"I wouldn't expect you to remember." Draco gave him a small smile and looked away again.

"How are you?" It was a question normally used in a general context but Draco knew what Harry was meaning. The blond shrugged and began inspecting his nails for dirt.

"I'm okay I suppose. I guess it's just weird to think that a year has gone by since it happened."

"I know, it's weird. So much has happened in the last year that I'm always half expecting Dumbledore to come tell me some other murderous raving lunatic is after my blood." Draco gave out a small snort of laughter and smiled in such a way that Harry noticed didn't quite reach his eyes.

Harry closed the minute distance between the two of them, bringing them thigh to thigh. Draco shifted over as well, pressing them even closer together.

"I can still remember being called into Snape's office ...he had the envelope from the Ministry. Why he got it before I did I'll never know. It was so black, so ominous ...I knew what it was of course, all I needed to find out was which one of them it had been..." Draco's voice wavered and he gave his head a brief shake as if to readjust his mask. It didn't work and Harry could see right through him.

He put his left arm around Draco, pulling a little as if to coax the blondes head down onto Harry's shoulder. If Draco resisted he certainly didn't show it. His forehead pressed against Harry's neck, hot breath ghosting over the skin sending a shiver down his spine.

"It wasn't even like they were loving parents ...you see people had this misconception that they were cold and unfeeling with each other. They loved each other ...so much in fact that neither of them had enough room in their hearts to love me." Draco's voice hitched again.

Harry brought his right arm around Draco as well, pulling him in as close as he could. Draco sighed, snaking a languid hand around Harry's waist. Harry wasn't sure whether he was more surprised by the blonde's reciprocation of the gesture or the fact that he was speaking so candidly about something he was feeling.

Draco had opened up fully on only one other occasion: a conversation had been struck about their childhood's, a discussion that has turned almost competitive to see who had the worst story. Draco had mentioned a night when he was six and had the misfortune of knocking his fathers pensive from a cabinet while Lucius had been in a mood more foul than Draco was used to.

The young Draco had cried in his attempts to apologise only to find himself on the receiving end of a cruciatus. It had, naturally, been a mild curse as Lucius had no intentions of killing his only son and heir. He had merely wanted to shut the child up.

As Draco had told Harry the story he could see the pain, terror and sadness in those silver eyes. Harry had countered with a long tale about the time his uncle had thrown him from one side of the kitchen to the other for burning a slice of toast. Harry had been seven.

"The funeral was weird. Father obviously wasn't there being in Azkaban." Harry gave a quiet snort of laughter and the blondes unwavering talent for dry wit, even when he was on the subject of his dead parents. Draco didn't seem to mind as Harry could feel him smiling against his neck.

"Everyone expected me to be the grieving son, you know weeping over my mothers coffin and what not but the problem was..."

"She would have expected you to stand tall and proud..." Harry finished for him. Draco nodded, his soft hair tickling Harry's neck. Harry's right arm was cramping up so he let it fall, hand resting just above Draco's knee.

"Just like a Malfoy should. In the end I compromised: I stood tall, respectful and crying silently. Gods meeting somewhere in the middle ...and that was before I spent any length of time with the Gryffindor Golden Boy here."

Harry pinched Draco's thigh lightly in retaliation to his comment. The blond squealed quietly and Harry began laughing silently.

"Is squealing another requirement of being a Malfoy?" Draco poked Harry harshly in the ribs, causing the dark haired boy to squirm a little in his grasp.

"No it isn't, I'm afraid that was something I came up with myself." Draco's hand ran up and down Harry's side, leisurely tracing patterns on the material of his robes in an unconscious gesture.

"A couple of months later came the other letter and I was officially orphaned. I couldn't even bring myself to look sad at fathers funeral, in fact at one point I'm sure I was sneering at his coffin as it was lowered into the earth." Draco shifted a little, hand stilling. Harry's thumb stroked soothingly over Draco's knee and the blond sighed into his neck once more, although Harry couldn't quite work out whether it was a sigh of sorrow or of contentment.

"He always told me that he would out live me ...that I was too weak and pathetic to do anything of merit and that he would have been as well having no son at all..." Harry tightened his arm around Draco's shoulder, feeling an upsurge in his already intense hatred to Lucius Malfoy. Dead or not, the man was a bastard in Harry's opinion.

"All I ever tried to do was fulfil his expectations but nothing I did was good enough. He was part of the reason I hated you so much." Harry stiffened a little, as if he had forgotten that he and Draco had indeed once hated each other.

"I was reprimanded because I couldn't beat you at quidditch ...but lets face it, who can?" Harry smiled, tilting his head so it came to rest on top of Draco's.

"I was punished for Granger getting higher grades because how dare a mudblood do better than me."

"Malfoy..." Harry said, a tone of warning in his voice, his thumb stopping its gesture and his head coming up from Draco's a little.

"Sorry Potter, I guess old habits die hard. Then came all the legal stuff." Harry put his head back down onto the blond hair as Draco continued talking.

"Everything about me getting the estate and the money had to be sorted. 'A benefit of being a Malfoy' is what father used to call it, even though he would then tell me I wasn't worthy of the name Malfoy." Draco's hand slipped down Harry's side and onto his thigh. Harry's breathing hitched and he hoped Draco hadn't noticed.

"I don't think I'll go back to the manor ...sure it is my childhood home but well..."

"You don't exactly have fantastic memories of the place." Harry finished his sentence for him for the second time that night. Draco snorted, breath tickling the skin on Harry's neck.

"That's an understatement."

"So where are you going to go after Hogwarts?" Harry asked him.

"I think I'll get a flat in wizarding London ...something big ...two floors and a balcony with big windows, it'll be a nice change from living beneath a lake." Harry chuckled.

"I was thinking the same actually and of course I won't need to work, my parents made sure of that. Then again neither will you." Draco yawned, shoulders shifting under Harry's arm.

"No, I plan to spend my days doing something productive like ...I'm lying, I will probably do nothing: I'll be a man of leisure." Harry rolled his eyes.

"I thought it was only ladies who were people of leisure?" He asked with a smirk. He could practically feel Draco's glare against his neck.

"And what do you plan on doing _Potter_?" He near spat at him.

"Absolutely nothing at all, I've spent seven years battling evil and nearly dying each time. I want to live." The statement hung in the air as Harry turned his face into Draco's hair. The blondes grip on him tightened.

Harry could smell the sweet fruitiness of Draco's shampoo and it seemed to fit the Slytherin perfectly. They sat silently for a few minutes, the atmosphere around them turning noticeably heavy with a hesitant anticipation.

Harry inhaled the scent of the soft hair again, temptation creeping over him, holding out its hand until he gave in and took it.

He closed his eyes, lips descending gently onto Draco's hair. His thumb continuing with the small, circular strokes that they had earlier ceased. He kept his lips pressed into the blondes hair, feeling Draco's eyelashes brush over his neck as his eyes closed.

Finally Harry pulled his lips away when Draco gave another quiet yawn. The blond brought his head up, bringing him and Harry face to face. Harry watched as those silver eyes flicked briefly to his lips then back up. Draco's tongue came out over his lips as hesitation swam across his expression.

"I'm really tired ...I'm ...going to go..." Harry nodded slowly.

"Sure ..it's not been an easy day for you." Draco nodded as well.

"Right I'll see you tomorrow then." The Slytherin said but made no move to de-tangle himself from Harry.

"Yeah ...you will." They stared at each other a little longer until Draco eventually stood up, brushing particles of rock from his robes.

"Night Harry." The blond said as he stared down at Harry, an unreadable expression on his face.

"See you Draco." Harry looked up at him, so very tempted to stand up with him.

"Right ...bye..." Draco turned in a swish of black robes, his blond hair drifting off his face as he walked away.

Harry turned, eyes focussing on some ripples being made by something just under the surface of the lake. He reached his hand down to his side and picked up the packet of cigarettes. He opened it and took one out but it was only when he went to place it between his lips he realised how visibly his hands were shaking.

He closed his eyes for a second, willing his breathing and heart rate to return to a normal pace. As he did so, he wondered how much longer his self-control could last.

-

note: by request of my dear CS I have to point out the fact that although one Professor Severus Snape is made fun of in this story he is not all bad, I in fact like Snape very much ...but Harry doesn't hence the mocking. Oh yes and he is also (in CS' words) a sexy biatch ...and I apologise if that has made you vomit. Also thanks to every who has been reviewing, your continued support has been fantastic and I also apologise for all the teasing but put it this way: look forward to the next chapter. Kisses.


	9. Raspberry Tears

The black night sky was overcast with heavy clouds, the first variation from the clear frosty nights in almost two weeks. The clouds provided the ground with a little insolation, meaning it was marginally milder than other evenings, but Harry's breath still hung around him in a frozen fog. He sat down slowly, fumbling inside his robes for the fresh packet of cigarettes. Finding it, Harry pulled it and his lighter out, peeling the plastic off slowly. He dropped it into the dark water, watching as it fluttered slowly onto the surface.

Harry took a cigarette out, putting it in his mouth and lighting it. Inhaling slowly, he took the cigarette from his lips as he placed the packet onto the rocks. Harry blew the smoke out over the lake before bringing the cigarette back between his lips. He flipped open his lighter, the small flame illuminating his hands and face.

"Harry." Came the voice from behind him. Lost in a revere Harry had jumped, causing the lighter to snap shut and fall onto his lap, burning his fingertip before it did so.

"Bugger." Harry muttered, his voice slurred from the cigarette still in his mouth. He heard Draco chuckle as he sat down beside him. Harry took the cigarette from his lips, deliberately blowing his smoke in the direction of the blond. He brought his afflicted finger to his mouth and sucked on the tip with a frown on his face.

"I'm probably going to have a blister now you git." Harry murmured around his finger. After a few moments without a retort he turned to look at Draco.

The blond was staring very blankly at Harry's mouth. Harry raised an eyebrow.

"Draco? ...Hogwarts to Malfoy..." Draco blinked a couple of times before shaking his head. Harry smirked, taking his finger from his mouth and replacing it with the cigarette. He inhaled slowly, still looking at Draco inquisitively.

"What?" Draco said in a somewhat snappish tone. Harry smiled back sweetly.

"Absolutely nothing at all." Draco turned to face over the dark lake. Harry watched him for another moment, convinced of a blush residing on his high, aristocratic cheekbone.

Harry turned, blowing smoke out and following its curving ascent.

"It's only three days until Christmas." Harry pointed out conversationally as he flicked ash into the lake. Draco groaned.

"Don't remind me, if another suit of armour sings 'We wish you a Merry Christmas' to me one more time I swear I'm going to melt it downand make it into a cutlery set." Harry laughed as he took another drag of tobacco.

"Someone is clearly in the festive spirit." He drawled sarcastically, something he had obviously picked up from Draco over the months.

"There's not exactly a massive amount to be festive about. It'll be just the same as last year." He stared over the lake, keeping his face devoid of any obvious emotion. Harry exhaled the last of his smoke and tossed the cigarette into the lake.

"You went back to the manor last year didn't you?" He asked as he turned to look at Draco. The blond nodded and responded.

"I had to go through my mothers things and believe me there was a ridiculous amount of stuff. It was so bizarre: normally I would be so excited about Christmas. I'd wake up, have an even more extravagant breakfast than usual. Then we would all go into the parlour and I could open my presents." Draco stopped and sighed.

"I'm guessing you got a lot of presents." Draco turned to meet Harry's stare.

"Of course I would, being Draco Malfoy: spoiled brat extraordinaire." He practically spat before moving his focus to the mirroring surface of the black water. Harry winced, more at himself than Draco's action. He placed his hand lightly on Draco's thigh.

"I didn't mean that Draco." Harry said, rubbing Draco's thigh lightly and reassuringly. Draco sighed.

"I know you didn't Harry. I think they felt that by buying me expensive gifts that they could make up for the lack of love."

"It didn't make up for it?" Harry asked, his voice soft. Draco shook his head.

"It did for awhile but as I got older it was painfully clear that they didn't care. In the end all I wanted was someone who would actually love me..." Draco drifted off, taking a long breath as he looked up at the clouds. Harry continued to watch the way the emotions played on the Slytherin's face.

"This'll be my first year in seven where I won't wake up to Ron stealing my chocolate frogs." Harry smiled to himself at the memory of his best friend.

"You miss him a lot don't you?" Draco asked, never looking round.

"Of course ...Hermione too ...all of them." Harry's tone became sorrowful as he looked away from Draco.

"Do you ever go visit Granger at St. Mungos?" Harry nodded slowly.

"On her birthday and every so often. It isn't fun seeing someone who used to always be intelligent and composed acting completely out of it." Harry's voice became exceedingly quiet, his reassuring strokes coming to a halt. He felt Draco's hand come to rest on top of his and he sighed.

"What a happy conversation this is." The blond said to him. Harry gave a small chuckle.

"You have a point there, guess we're both alone except for each other this year." Harry looked back round at Draco.

"Small consolation." Draco's voice had a hint of sarcasm but Harry could see sincerity in his silver eyes "But I'll take it."

Harry smiled at him and Draco gave him a small smile back.

"Oh what father would say if he could see menow." Harry rolled his eyes at the blond.

"I dread to think." Draco let out a small snort of amusement.

"It's strange but even though I hate the bastard and he has been dead for almost a year I still wonder what he would do as if  
he were about to round the corner and punish me for something." Draco shifted a little, eyes peering across the lake.

"You can't help that. The man was a negative influence on you for your entire life, it'll take awhile to shake that." Draco nodded, his hand gripping Harry's a little tighter than it had been.

Harry smiled again, jumping suddenly as realisation hit him.

"I'd almost forgotten." He said as Draco looked round startled.

"Forgotten what?" Draco asked him, an eyebrow raised as Harry who was now rummaging inside his robes.

"I got you something in Hogsmeade the other day ...sort of a Christmas present but in light of this evenings conversation it might cheer you up a bit." Harry continued to fumble in the many pockets of his robes until a triumphant expression spread across his face. He pulled out a flat, rectangular parcel and handed it to Draco.

"I never thought you would be this good at wrapping something." Draco commented as he surveyed the silver paper and red bow. Harry, who was in the process of lighting another cigarette, shrugged.

"I didn't, the woman in Honeydukes did." Harry saw Draco's eyes widen as he inhaled and put the lighter back down.

"Honeydukes?" Harry nodded, exhaling and flicking ash from the cigarette.

"Yes Draco, that's what I said." Draco mouth curved into a grin as he began slowly peeling off the paper. Harry took another drag, watching the blondes actions.

"Funny, I always thought you would be the kind of person to rip presents open." Draco stopped what he was doing and looked up at Harry.

"It draws out the experience if you do it slowly." Harry raised an eyebrow. Draco smirked back at him. "Now who is the perverted git?" Harry laughed.

"That's just your bad influence." Harry replied, taking a drag of his cigarette and blowing the smoke from the corner of his mouth so that it avoided Draco.

"I think you mean my good influence." The Slytherin replied but Harry stayed silent.

Eventually Draco had the present unwrapped, the paper and the bow now smouldering on the rocks as a result of his incendio. The blondes eyes grew wide once more.

"It isn't much Draco, don't get so excited." Harry said, taking another long drag of tobacco.

"It is exciting though. It's dark chocolate _with_ raspberry centre." Harry blew out smoke as he laughed.

"I know that. I remembered about your unhealthy love of dark chocolate from Halloween. That particular bar seemed to suit you perfectly." Draco frowned at him in question "Dark and fruity." Harry smirked at him as the Slytherin glared half heartedly.

"I will thank you kindly _not _to refer to me as fruity." Harry smiled innocently at him.

"I will remember that in future then. You can open it now you know?" Harry said, indicating to the bar with a wave of his hand. Draco grinned and turned his focus to the chocolate in his hands.

Harry chuckled as the blond tore open the bar of chocolate without any semblance of decorum.

"For someone who takes so much pride in how they appear to others you seem pretty quick to dismiss the snarky, pureblood Slytherin persona."

Draco peered up at Harry, mouth never actually detaching from the dark chocolate. It looked like he was about to reply when he clearly decided that biting off a rather large square was more appealing. Harry smiled and shook his head as he flicked the end of his cigarette into the lake. It was only when he watched it sink that Harry noticed light ripples forming on the surface of the black water.

He looked up to find large snowflakes falling from the dark expanse of the winter sky. Draco stared upwards as well, swallowing his mouthful of chocolate. His silver eyes grew wider as a few flakes landed on his upturned face, melting on his skin. He closed his eyes, mouth curving into the smallest of contented smiles. Harry quite obviously stared, marvelling at the childlike delight that the, normally sardonic and frankly bitchy, Slytherin was taking in the snowfall.

He stopped staring and tutted however when he noticed the thin layer of raspberry fondant on Draco's bottom lip.

"What?" Draco asked as he opened his eyes and looked round at Harry.

"You've got the raspberry stuff on your mouth." Draco flicked his tongue over his bottom lip

"Is it gone?"

"No, not quite." Harry replied and Draco repeated the action

"How about now?" Harry rolled his eyes and shuffled nearer the blond

"Honestly Draco, I thought I was hopeless." Harry cupped his fingers around Draco's chin and brought his thumb across the  
Slytherin's bottom lip. The fondant felt sticky beneath his fingers and with another swipe Harry discovered that is was still there.

He leant in closer to see better in the dim light from the castle behind them. Harry could see Draco's lip shimmering almost as clearly as he could feel the blondes warm breath against his nose. Harry raised his head a little, eyes flicking up to Draco's. The Slytherin's eyes were closed again, stray snowflakes clinging to his blond lashes.

Harry ran the back of his hand slowly up Draco's jaw bone, feeling the way the blond shivered beneath his touch. Draco's eyes flickered open when the tips of Harry's fingers moved down his neck, his breathing then hitching when Harry's hand cupped itself softly around the back of his head.

Harry leaned in ever-so-slightly, closing his eyes as he did so. With only the tiniest hint of reservation he pressed his lips lightly against Draco's.

As Harry pulled away, Draco tilted his head and pressed softly back against Harry tentatively. Harry laced his fingers in the lengths of Draco's blond hair, gently bringing the Slytherin into him for a stronger kiss. He allowed this action but as Harry swiped the tip of his tongue over his bottom lip, tasting the raspberry and chocolate, Draco wrenched himself backwards and scrambled to his feet.

Harry looked up at the tall form of the blond, wearing an expression that combined sheer confusion with utter dejection.

"Potter I ...we ..." Draco stammered as he took several steps backwards. Harry clambered to his feet, robes catching beneath him in his haste. He took a step towards Draco who promptly turned away and walked swiftly over the rocks. Harry stared after him, unblinking and dazed. He watched the departing blond until the flurries of snow caused him to fade away.

Harry turned back to face the lake, right hand subconsciously fixing itself around his left wrist. He moved his hand to take his glasses from his face to wipe off the moisture that was blurring his vision. When they had been taken off, Harry realised that the water wasn't on his glasses at all...


	10. The Drowning of Comfort

**  
Warning:** This chapter has a scene of self-harm but lets face it: you probably all knew it would happen at some point. I just thought I'd give you all a heads up.

* * *

Harry walked slowly over the rocks, a lit cigarette already between his fingers. He brought it to his lips, inhaling deeply as he trod carefully on the snow covered rock. It was the first time since last night that the snow had actually stopped falling, clouds dispersing to reveal a gradually waning moon. He blew the smoke out and stepped through the mist it created. 

As he reached the edge of the rocks, Harry took a final draw of tobacco before flicking the cigarette into the lake. He rummaged around inside his robes for his wand, exhaling the smoke as he did so. His fingers clasped around the wood, pulling it out and casting a charm over the snow.

It melted as if on fast forward, leaving clean, dry rock behind for Harry to sit down on. As he lowered himself, he stuffed his wand back inside his robes and pulled out his cigarette packet and sat it beside him.

Harry sighed as he propped his elbows up on his knees and held his chin in his hands. He'd successfully avoided so much as looking at Draco the whole day. Harry had never noticed before how much the blonde's very presence affected him. He reached round and picked up the cardboard packet. Opening it, he extracted his lighter from inside and brought out a cigarette.

He placed it between his chapped lips, flicking open the lighter and bringing the flame to his face. The cigarette lit and Harry took a long drag, setting the lighter back down. Harry took the cigarette between his thumb and index finger, taking it from his mouth to exhale.

Harry had forgotten what it was like to go a whole day without speaking to anyone, Draco was the only person he had any more. If the familiar crunching of feet behind him were to sound then every thing would be fine. Only time would tell.

He put his cigarette in his mouth as he leant backwards slightly to look up at the night sky through the parted clouds. Quickly his eyes locked onto the Sirius star and he gave a small smile as he blew out the smoke. Harry had been looking through an old astronomy book earlier that day as he sat on his bed in order to avoid seeing Draco. As he searched over the star map for Ursa Major, there next to it stood out another constellation.

The constellation Draco. Harry had never noticed it before but it seemed significant now.

Harry sighed and sat up, holding his cigarette in place between his lips as his hands groped inside either pocket of his jeans. He gripped his prize, feeling it dig into his palm slightly as he pulled it out.

Bringing his left hand up to take out the cigarette, he sat the contents of his right hand on his thigh. The smoke curled up through the cold night air as Harry exhaled. He flicked his second cigarette stub of the evening into the lake, watching the moisture seep through it slowly then becoming heavy and sinking.

He took the blade from his thigh and held it up before his face. It was a dull metal, except for the actual sharpened edge that glinted even in the dim light from the castle. Harry ran his finger lightly over the sharp edge and then up the side, the tip of his finger dipping into the groove.

Harry ran his finger of the flat face of the blade, skin catching on the hole in a strangely loving caress.

It had been awhile.

He wasn't quite sure why but it had been a good few weeks since he had indulged. Even last night as he had returned to his room, the taste of tears and Draco still on his lips, he had completely ignored the possibility of going into his trunk and taking out the thing that had been his comfort for so long.

Being the Christmas holidays, the castle was almost completely void of students. This unfortunately meant that he would be easily missed at lunch and dinner. Not breakfast though, he rarely showed up to that on a normal day.

Harry had lain awake most of the night, reliving the kiss. Draco's lips had been so soft on his, gentle in a way that would never normally be associated with the snarky Slytherin. Then, of course, there was the feeling of Draco ripping himself away, the hurt and frustration at having another person leave him.

He began to experience a familiar itching on his left forearm. It wasn't a real itch, well at least he didn't think it was. Harry liked to play a game with himself, much similar to trying to resist the lure of his cigarettes. He would wait and wait, trying to out last the itch, figuring that perhaps one day he would be able to win.

Perhaps tonight would be that time.

When Harry had finally fallen asleep the edges of the horizon could be seen to be glowing fractionally, a promising pale yellow light that injected the hope of the end of the continual snow fall. It hadn't been until twelve hours later that the last flake had fallen.

His sleep was troubled by a dream that he was sure he didn't want interpreted. He had been standing on the edge of the lake, only the cliff was too high. He could feel his mouth drying with thirst so he reached with both hands to scoop up the water. The closer he brought his hands to his mouth the quicker the water drained through his fingers. Frustrated and desperate, Harry had reached again only to find that the cliff was even higher and he couldn't reach the water.

He heard a voice beside him and turned to see Draco with a cigarette between his fingers. Harry could see Draco's mouth moving but couldn't make out the words. As he had turned to stand by Draco the cliff gave way and he was falling.

Falling to the dark, stormy water beneath all the while trying to make out what Draco was telling him. He'd awoken with a start, cold sweat on his forehead and his entire body trembling. After calming down, Harry had rolled onto his stomach and drifted off once more, this time unable to remember what he had dreamt.

Harry was pulled from his reminiscing when he heard snow crunching at the end of the rocks. He turned round quickly, almost dropping the razor blade in the process. Pushing his hair from where it was flopping into his eyes, Harry squinted up the rock path for the easily identifiable head of blond hair.

There was nothing there.

Harry groaned and turned back round to look over the lake. He could have sworn he had heard Draco. Perhaps he was loosing his mind. He snorted sardonically, no one would be surprised if he did end up locked away in some corner of St. Mungo's. No one would really care either.

He sat down his razor blade as he picked up his lighter and cigarette packet. He extracted one and lit it quickly, taking a long drag as he squashed the lighter back into the packet and dropped it unceremoniously to the rock. Exhaling the smoke, Harry rubbed his eyes and, cupping his left cheek in his hand, leant heavily on his elbow.

He took another drag, bringing his head back up and shaking his arm so the sleeve of his robes fell down to his elbow. He exhaled and pulled down the sleeve of his jumper to reveal the scarred flesh of his forearm.

Most of the skin was covered in pink scars that were slowly turning to silver. Even the most recent ones were only lines of dark pink. Yes, it had definitely been awhile. Harry looked at his watch, simply staring at the second hand as it ticked round the dark green face. Draco was late.

_  
I wasn't aware that there was a set time arranged_

Harry could hear Draco's words from all those months ago, smiling slightly at the now bittersweet memory. There wasn't a set time, it was true and Harry knew it. Unfortunately, he would have to face the fact that was glaring him the face.

Draco wasn't coming tonight.

Harry took a last drag of the cigarette and tossed it into the lake to meet it's predecessors. He blew the smoke out slowly as he picked his razor blade back up.

He lay his left arm over his thigh, forearm facing upwards. He pressed the blade into a patch of skin about half way up his arm. Harry held it in place, wondering how long he could last before pushing it in and dragging it down the length of his arm. From this vantage point Harry could watch the slim silver of his watches second hand ticking slowly.

Ten seconds, he was resisting fine.

Fifteen, the itch was growing.

Twenty-five, he could feel his control wavering.

Thirty, Harry began to press the blade in.

Forty-five, he snapped.

He pushed the blade in harder and dragged it slowly up his arm. The skin began to split open in its wake. Harry pressed slightly harder again as the blade reached the thicker skin nearer the top of his forearm. He winced slightly when he finally brought the blade away.

He watched, fascinated, as the blood trickled slowly from the wound. Droplets pooled where the cut was deeper than it was in other places, some of them breaking free and sliding slowly down his arm. Harry could feel the rush of endorphins that he had missed for so long without even knowing.

Somewhere, he thought he heard the crunching of feet once more.

There wasn't anything before that gave him the same rush to his head. He placed his right hand over the cut, the gradually congealing blood beginning to feel sticky beneath his fingers.

Again he thought he heard crunching but then it stopped. Harry sighed, he knew he was imagining it, but that didn't mean he wasn't disappointed.

As the dull throb of the cut ebbed and he came back to himself, Harry had the distinct feeling that he was being watched. An eerie prickling on the back of his neck made his back stiffen.

The crunching sounded again, only this time it was louder and retreating. Harry's head snapped round only to catch a sight of billowing black robes and fluttering blond hair as a form rushed back up towards the castle.

Harry stood up swiftly, all the blood rushing to his head and causing his footing to shake a little. He took a step forward but there was no use.

"Draco...?" His voice sounded quiet and hoarse, a spec of nothing that was lost on a growing, frozen wind.

He turned back to the water, the corners of his eyes stinging with warmth. The blade was still clasped between his thumb and index finger.

In a fit of sheer frustration he tossed it down angrily, hearing it bounce off the rocks and land in the water with a small splash.

As he dropped back to the rocks and pulled his knees up beneath his chin, Harry felt the bizarre urge to follow the razor blade beneath the surface of the bone chilling water.

**

* * *

Notes: The next chapter will probably be out quicker than this one was. It will be the final chapter and as sad as I will be to finish I am most excited about the next chapter! Oh and if anyone does actually want to know what Harry's dream meant feel free to mail and ask although it isn't particularly vital. Now since Ash seemed to freak out at the notion of only one more chapter I will tell you all now that if any body is interested I am planning on writing a sequel. **


	11. The Icy Flakes of Resolution

Harry descended the stone steps that led the way to the lake. He took his cigarettes from the inside pocket of his robes, taking one out and placing it between his lips as he reached inside his jeans pocket for his lighter. He flipped open the silver lighter, bringing the flame to the tip of the cigarette and inhaling as it lighted.

The lighter shut with a click, the cardboard of the packet crackling as it was stuffed back inside Harry's robes. He slipped the lighter easily back into the pocket of his jeans and pulled the robes closed again, making sure the fastenings were in place against the cold.

He reached the bottom of the stairs, feet crunching on the white blanket that covered the path as the first flakes of Christmas Eve snowfall descended from the heavens. He blew smoke out, taking another drag as he kept his focus on the ground.

Harry had hesitated only five minutes earlier in his dormitory when he grabbed his cloak from a chair. There was no use in coming down tonight. Draco had witnessed him slicing open his arm the previous night and had fled had the sight. There was no hope in Harry's heart that the Slytherin would show up.

Exhaling another lot of smoke as he reached the rocky embankment where he had spent so many nights, Harry looked up towards the end where rock met water.

He stopped dead in his tracks.

There he was, sitting on a patch of rock that had been cleared of snow.

Draco.

His head was lowered, blond hair forming a soft curtain over his face. He had his hand clasped on his lap and was picking ever so slightly at the skin around his nails in a nervous gesture.

Harry dropped his barely smoked cigarette to the rock, not bothering to stamp it out as he continued walking. He noticed Draco tense up as his footsteps crunched louder.

He didn't know what to do. Part of him wanted to go and sit by Draco as always before falling into his arms. The other part wanted to turn on his heel and flee back into the castle for fear of what he was about to face. Harry would call that his Slytherin side.

Harry continued to walk forward until he was standing directly behind Draco. His breathing was shallow, heart pounding in his chest so hard that the vibrations could be felt in his throat.

Draco turned his head around only a fraction, the side of his face barely made visible to Harry.

"Harry." He said courteously before turning back round to look over the black water.

"Draco." Harry replied as he moved to Draco's side and sat down on the rocks: the rocks that had been cleared of snow already.

The silence hung over them like an ominous rain cloud, the kind that people are disappointed to see on the horizon on summer's days. Harry contemplated reaching into his robes for another cigarette but the idea suddenly seemed completely inappropriate for the situation.

Finally, as Harry's nicotine craving was growing out of control he was given a distraction by Draco turning to look at him.

Harry hazarded a glance at Draco's face. His silver eyes held a few too many things for Harry to interpret. Their eyes met and Harry forced down _that_ familiar tingle of his spine.

The blonde's eyes steeled, blocking out whatever it was that Harry was about to see and cast his gaze down to Harry's left arm.

"Let me see." He stated plainly. Harry was taken a back by Draco's abruptness. It hadn't been a request; it was a command that Harry obeyed without a thought.

He slid the sleeve of his robes up; pulling that of the jumper he wore beneath with it. Goose pimples rose on the scarred flesh as it was it was exposed to the cold air. Draco wrapped a hand surprisingly gently around Harry's wrist and brought his forearm to his face for inspection.

Draco's eyes surveyed the wound that Harry had inflicted upon himself only twenty-four hours earlier. Harry kept his focus on the Slytherin's eyes as he studied the cut with a calculating gaze. Draco brought his other hand to Harry's forearm as well and carefully pressed a finger to the cut.

It stung a little but Harry hid it as Draco's finger began tracing the path of it up towards his elbow.

"Was this because of what happened?" The question was vague and Draco's voice had sounded too loud in the still of the night. Harry only nodded slowly in response but finally found enough voice to speak in a tone no higher than a whisper.

"Why did you leave?" He asked the blond. Draco sighed as he pulled Harry's sleeves back down, obviously finished his inspection. Harry let his arm drop back to his side, continuing to watch Draco even as the Slytherin looked out across the expanse of dark water.

"Harry," he began "all my life I've viewed myself through my fathers eyes. Every little thing I do there is still that voice in my head that sounds like Lucius, admonishing me for something or other."

Harry nodded his head: all of this he knew.

"Well …when you kissed me …it obviously didn't occur to me right away but then it hit me: I was completely going against everything I have been brought up to believe. The thought was too much for me so I did what any good Slytherin would do and got myself the hell away."

Draco turned back to look at Harry, an obvious sadness now showing in his silver eyes. Harry opened his mouth to speak but Draco purposefully cut him off.

"I already know what you're going to say, my father is dead, a fact of which I am well aware but I was sixteen before I had a thought of my own and not something daddy dearest had installed in me."

Harry nodded again, this time making sure Draco looked at him long enough to see his understanding.

"I know this Draco, it will always be something that you'll need to move on from." Harry said. The blond sighed in frustration and turned away sharply.

"You don't think I don't know that?" Harry turned to look across the water as well, focussing on the sinking and re-emergence of a piece of debris in the distance.

"It won't be an easy thing to do." Draco stated plainly. He sighed again and turned to Harry, blond hair falling over the right side of his face. "But it is something I have to do."

Harry looked round slowly. Draco's face was cast downwards, eyes staring at a point on the rock. Harry shuffled closer until his thigh was in line with Draco's gaze. The Slytherin's eyes came up to meet Harry's.

His eyes then flickered over to Harry's left arm, his delicate eyebrows coming together slightly in a small frown.

"I know you did it because of what happened but why did it hit you so hard?" Harry shrugged but kept Draco's eyes locked in his.

"After what happened I already thought you weren't going to show up even though I hoped I was wrong. Then you didn't and I figured I'd screwed up and lost someone else." Harry could feel the threat of his voice cracking and cut his sentence off.

"But I did show up, why didn't you wait longer?" Draco asked him. Harry shrugged again.

"Because it was well past the time you normally arrive." Draco rolled his eyes.

"I thought we'd already discussed the fact that we never had a set time? Or did you forget?" The edge of Harry's mouth quirked up as Draco echoed his own thoughts from the previous night.

"No," he replied, "I remembered. How come it took you so long?" This time it was Draco who shrugged, eyes flicking so briefly to Harry's lips that there was no way to tell if he had done it at all.

"I didn't know if I could face you …if I was ready to explain my reaction when even _I_ wasn't entirely sure why I'd run off." Harry gave a small snort of quiet amusement.

"How very Slytherin of you." Draco smirked.

"Would you expect any less?"

"Never." Harry smiled but Draco frowned again.

"I never knew what we have …whatever the hell it is, was so important to you." Harry looked down, fingers tugging on the material of his robes. Unsure of his reply he felt saved when Draco spoke again.

"You shouldn't place so much hope on me …you'll just be disappointed." Draco's voice sounded quiet as he uttered the last part of his statement. Harry's eyes darted back up, fingers stilling as a mildly angry expression crept over his features.

"That's your father talking again. I can't help it, if you hadn't noticed you're pretty much the only person left in my life any more." Draco met Harry's eyes.

"I had noticed …I seem to be in the same unfortunate situation." The last part was said with a smirk and Harry smiled back at him. Harry slid his hand on top of Draco's, doing it slowly to gage the blonde's reaction. Silver eyes glanced downwards at the same moment a single snowflake landed on the back of Harry's hand.

"It's snowing again." Harry said, his voice sounding somewhat distant.

"How observant Potter." Draco drawled, looking back up at Harry. Gradually, Draco's heart picked up a rhythm as he deciphered the way Harry was staring at him.

"I whole heartedly agree." Draco snorted with laughter at Harry's reply, moving his face nearer Harry's.

Draco slowly brought his other hand up; running the back of his palm along Harry's cheek, mirroring what Harry had done two nights earlier. He ran his fingertips through Harry's dark hair, cupping a hand around the back of his neck as he twined his fingers in the hairs at the nape of his neck.

Harry leant forward, feeling Draco's breath on his face. Draco moved in the final short distance and pressed their lips together lightly. Harry kissed back, only pushing a little harder. They stayed pressed together, Draco's hands slowly beginning to play with Harry's hair.

Draco titled his head slightly and kissed Harry harder. Harry brought his left hand up and cupped it gently around Draco's cheek. The Slytherin cautiously flicked his tongue once over Harry's top lip.

Harry parted his lips partially, his tongue meeting Draco's only for a fleeting moment before Draco placed a soft, closed mouth kiss on the side of Harry's mouth and pulled away.

Harry gave Draco the slightest of tentative smiles which the blond returned before he took his face fully away. Harry let his hand drop from Draco's as the Slytherin looked over the water. He took his hand from on top of Draco's to push strands of unruly hair from his eyes.

The air went quiet again but it wasn't the thick silence from earlier: it was the kind that Harry was used to. Snowflakes began to fall heavier around them, landing on his hair and eyelashes.

Harry slipped a hand inside his robes, struggling to pull the crushed packet of cigarettes from his pocket. He opened it, extracting his second last one along with his lighter. He put it between his lips, flicking open the lighter as he brought it to his face.

He inhaled deeply as he dropped the lighter onto the rocks with a clatter, savouring the loud sound. Blowing out the smoke he could feel Draco looking at him.

"You really should quit that disgusting habit Potter." The blond stated before looking back over the black water. Harry looked at his cigarette and then turned to Draco, a small smile playing on his lips.

"Maybe another time." He replied. Draco looked back at him, their faces close as the edges of his mouth curved slightly. Harry turned away still smiling.

Draco continued to watch the Gryffindor, trying to force his smile away. He gave up, allowing his pink lips to curve fully. Turning to look over the water with Harry, Draco slipped his right hand into Harry's left.

Draco laid his head on Harry's shoulder and the dark-haired boy sighed as he tossed a half smoked cigarette into the lake. Draco gave Harry's hand a gentle squeeze as Harry rested his head on top of his. Harry placed a light kiss on the soft blond hair and squeezed back.

_Finite._

* * *

Well that, as they say, is that. It is currently four in the morning where I am seated so you can all be thankful for my insomnia.  
Thank you so much to every one who has reviewed and even just read quietly. A sequel? Was that what I said? Soon sweethearts. There are a few other fics floating around my mind as well. So until the next slashy story, take care sweethearts.  



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